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| Holy shit should I wipe your ass for you too? you stupid incompetent fool!!!!!!!!!! I know it must not be easy to run your own company, but don't make me do everything for you and then blame your fuck ups on me. You are seriously the stupidest smart person I know. You are the only person in the world who would go hungry with a fridge chock full of food. I know its not easy to bring that silver spoon all the way up to your misogynist mouth..but please do try and try getting your own glasses of water next time. please fucker all you have to do pull a lever up slightly to enjoy that refreshing glass of h20. you drive me fuckin nuts sometimes i want to take a heavy object to you. | | |
| I’ve always been a quiet person, but lately I find myself speaking less and less. I went two days without saying a word to anyone or even talking to myself like I used to do. I don’t know why but I don’t want to talk because everything feels so meaningless. The words coming out of my mouth. The words coming out of your mouth. Totally utterly meaningless. Is this depression? Its not like things look bleak. Its just that nothing looks shiny or new anymore. I think finally at my age, everything seems so routine and mundane. I feel like I know what you’re going to say next. Hey how’ve you been? Good good, but I’m so tired…blahblah…What would you like to order?....grande iced coffee in a venti cup extra ice with sweetener and milk. Thank you. You’re welcome. Have a nice day. You too mother tucker. Everything is such a hassle. Showering. Chewing. Putting on makeup. Urinating. Talking. All feckin hassle. I’m so sick of everything I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t ever want to die. I want to live forever, but I’m not living. I want everybody to leave me alone. | | |
| I’m too critical of others
I judge but don’t want to be judged
I hate too much
I don’t like the way I look but am vain
I don’t know how to love anyone
My heart is too closed off
I’m overly self aware
I’m moody
I hate looking a fool
I’m depressing
I give myself too much credit
I try to show myself in a good light
I’m too self critical
I don’t like talking about myself but it’s everything I think about
I’m a bitch
I’m angry
I’m a lazy fuck
I don’t care about people
I hate boys that make my heart beat
I hate having emotions
I’m incapable of emotions
I’m a stunted person
I like...i like my feet.
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| I don't know what it is with me and not being able to jump the gun. I just feel like I'm actively backpedaling in life and while my unconscious is telling me to go forward with my life, I feel myself consciously holding myself back all the time. I know that I do this because I never tell anyone about any of my problems mainly because I don't want to burden anyone, and plain because I don't really trust anyone to tell them my business. My experience has been that anytime I have opened myself in some way, it will eventually be used against me. always. and it's okay because we're all human and I understand this fallacy because I'm exactly the same way. I never really understood why my friends would confide such innermost demons to me...idk maybe they do this to get some advice or hear a rational p.o.v., but sometimes, I just don't want to hear you. I don't want to know so much about you that I start disliking you. I know that what most ppl want when they're talking about their feelings is a sense that they are not alone in their problems and maybe even a little bit of a pep talk. And I do...have alot of empathy for what you're going through at the moment, but eventually, my image of who you are is inevitably going to be sullied by what you've said. I dunno I think its human. don't hold it against me. Now I know that you're not someone to be admired, but rather pitied. Lets just keep it surface and talk about our passions and our day to day. Let's not talk about feelings anymore and lets not talk about how you think linda is nice only because she doesn't have any friends. sometimes ppl are so full of their own b.s. me included. anyway..whew totally getting off tangent again.
I feel like ppl around me have a certain image of me where they think that I'm actually smart and can get to places in life. I feel that way sometimes too...sometimes i have days when I think that running for president ain't shit and that I could run for office. Sometimes it feels like I have my shit all figured out and ready to go, and then I realize who I am. I realize that I'm the kind of person who can't even ask a professor for a letter of recommendation because I know that I haven't made much of an impression. Because I actively try not to be noticed. So is this what is really stalling your life right now? Am I really going to let this ambiguity rule my freakin existence? I don't know...the older I get the more I don't know. And right now in life I feel like I'm going backwards rather than forward...but I so desperately see the finish line. Tomorrow...I'll do everything tomorrow. | | |
| Being pretty sucks and I've experienced this first hand. teeheehehehhehhahahahah no. not really. I’m not necessarily speaking from my perspective but from what I have seen and noticed from those that others deem as attractive or beautiful. Because for those girls, beauty really does seem like a double edged sword in that it is a blessing and a tremendous curse bestowed on them. Everybody knows that girl that walks into a room and catches the attention of the majority of the guys in the room. The guys stand a little straighter, their eyes shift, there is hyperawareness of her proximity in the room to where you are. For the girls, when this girl walks in the hairs on the back of you head stand up like an annoying prickling and you think…”Oh this girl is going to one-up me by just walking into a room-but dear god don’t stand next to me or I’ll start looking like a gremlin with monster calves.” And even an attractive girl in their own right will be conscious of the beautiful unicorn that had just walked into the room.
Now, I tend to think that the most beautiful women in the world are the most self-conscious. And this fact has been tested and confirmed time and again from my years of living. And I dare believe that it’s because these women know that they are being looked at, observed, made conscious of. These women know that they’re being judged on one thing and one thing only…for the rest of their lives before they take their geri pill and take a fall from grace, they will have to endure with the fact that nobody cares about their character, their smarts, their effervescent personality-Whatever, none of that matters. Because that girl is being placed on a pedestal for the simple fact that she’s beautiful and the one thing that is out of her control. And in time, that becomes the only thing that she thinks that she has value in. She loses that sparkle that made her fire up. Because the world is telling her that she doesn’t need to be a deep thinker to be acknowledged. She doesn’t need to be smart. She doesn’t need to have a personality. She doesn’t need to have integrity or character. Because she’s entitled. The world is entitling her. The world is limiting her.
There is always a time in a girl’s life when everything changes. Its the moment you realize that you have unwittingly become a woman. This didn’t happen with your permission nor with a declarative moment. It’s not the moment you start your menses. It’s not when your mammary glands start growing or when strange hairs start appearing in places you never thought knew could grow anything except a strange odor. It’s not when you have your awakening. To most girls the transition from girl to woman happens when the outside world start telling you that your childhood has been revoked for a world of responsibilities and cautiousness. The carelessness of childhood is stripped away with the first catcall, by the look from a man who last night had seemed old enough to be your uncle, the first encounter, the first time you have felt objectified for your gender.
You become a woman when people start viewing you in that way…and for the most part this happens overnight for a girl. And once this happens you can’t turn back. No matter how much you might want to. Because once this moment occurs in a girl’s life, no value is placed higher than a girl’s beauty. The objectification has started and you have no choice but to abide by the governing laws of society. So that's when you know it's time to strap on your big girl shoes and kick some x. I just keep thinking how much worse this must be for a decent looking gurly gurl gurl girl.
do you notice how when you're in grade school, all of the talented smart bright kids seem to be girls and all the nose picking slow nimwits are boys? so why is it that at some point in life these nimwits seem to bypass us in life. why is it that anything of significant discoveries, inventions, or anything of progressive relevance are product of "man" and not "woman???" why are we limiting ourselves???? am I my own glass ceiling or is it really there??? stop asking yourself stupid questions you dumbass. dykey feminist rant over. Gawd…………..go to sleep u idiot. i'm not gay i swear.
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